Prince Charming Card

Give this card to a former beloved with their smelly band shirts. After the cat is done with them.

US$1.99 from JadeAnn at Etsy.

Glamour Ghouls

Puns + pin-ups = win. We love Yummy Mummy the most.

Yummy Mummy 12x16 inch Hand Glittered Print US$56, Diamonds Are A Ghoul's Best Friend 6x8 inch Hand Glittered Print US$12, Glamorously Unwell Zombie 8x12 inch Hand Glittered Print US$28 from andreakett at Etsy.

Marriage Congratulations Card

Know any poor souls friends who are planning to join their souls in matrimony? Give them a card that tells it like it is, in a pretty way.

US$2.95 from notmoira at Etsy.

Mario, Meatball Parm and Wrinkleface

We are always on the lookout for new pieces of art to add to our collection. These three delightful pieces would brighten up any room.

Mario and the Mystery of the Meatball Parm, Meatball Parm and Wrinkle Face US$40 each from marktsedita at Etsy.

Smelly Pirate Hooker Sticker

Since we're on the topic of hookers:

O.K Folks!! I had ta' do it!! It was a line off of the anchor man movie, and i laughed my ass off and then drew this up!! This decal is weather proof and will last for years inside or out!! It's tough and durable!! Hand drawn and then silkscreened to perfection!! This sticker is HUGE!! It's a BIG 3 inches tall and 12 inches long!!!

US$4 from Reedpunk at Etsy.

Bad Ass Motherfucker

I admit that I had NFI who this particular bad ass motherfucker was. Until I did as the seller suggested & Wiki'd him.

Wow. A piece of art & a history lesson!

US$20 from smayorga at Etsy.

Fuck Off Bookmark

Poppy, this is to guard you against any douchenozzles that bother you on public transport or at work.

US$5 from RachelMckay at Etsy.

Sniff Glue Worship Satan Cross Stitch

This new addition to our delicious little cross stitch category proves yet again that some life lessons are best conveyed in cross stitch.

US$30 from misofunky at Etsy.

Potty Mouth Shirt

Just the essentials, to get you through the day. You could also chant it as a single word, shitfuckpissasscuntbitch, for extra tang.

US$28 from moresassvintage at Etsy.

Valentine's Day Card Suggestions

Valentine's Day is sneaking up. Perhaps give a card to one of the smug fuckers who will be parading back and forth with their rose and teddy bear combos.

Douche Bag Card US$2.25, I'd Pull Your Plug Card US$2.50, Chauvinist Pig Card US$2 from Jailbird at Etsy.

Spelling with Elements PDF Cross Stitch Patterns

Now this is the type of science we would have appreciated at school, not acids and bases.

Spelling with Elements and Spelling with Elements 2, US$5 each from AnticuteAntiGRated at Etsy.

Personal Hygiene Reminder 5 Pack

Make the world a better place. Carry some sheer fucking brilliance in a handy business card format and distribute to those who need it.

US$5 from Earmark at Etsy.

Warm Tang Tang Thong

Up to the shopper to deliver the promised qualities, we presume.

US$12 from artisticle at Etsy.

Piss Off Or I Might Propel You Off A Cliff Magnets

Piss Off Magnet (2.25 Inches) US$2.50 and Propel Magnet (1.25 inches) US$1.65, both from allegrae at Etsy.

The Ultimate Holiday Card Set of 4

From the item description:

In the tradition of "Keep Calm and Carry On", these cards provide an updated perspective on every special occasion while maintaining the typographical integrity of the original wartime poster.

US$8 from dippylulu at Etsy.

Women Statement Button - Show Your Class

The above is true. Full stop.

US$4 from LadyFaire at Etsy.

If I Found You Sign

This curly concoction is perfect as a kitchen tea gift for a beloved frenemy.

US$4 from undeadmushroom12 at Etsy.

Thought Bubble Barrette "Your Boyfriend Thinks I'm Hot"

Why hold back when you can make all paired up females around you feel insecure and paranoid? Works best when teamed with a cutesy smirk and I'm In Your Boyfriend's Top 8 hoodie.

US$4 from melbell at Etsy.

You'll Soon Be Compost Toast Photo

Step aside Virgin Mary Toast, there's another prophet toast in town. This one tells you what will happen to you in the afterlife and how this will benefit the environment. A perfectly cheerful start to the day.

US$15 from toastmania at Etsy.

There Will Be a $5 Charge for Whining Sign

This could quite possibly be the ultimate solution to many office and home dramas. The only thing that could improve this little sign is if anything could be substituted into the space occupied by 'Whining'. Just imagine, $5 charge for wankery, chewing with mouth open, perving, disobeying the office bitch, existing, etc. Endless.

US$13 from thehomespunraven at Etsy.