Rudolph's Revenge (nsfw)

This is the card we are sending out to our loved ones next year.

US$2.50 from nancyfarmer at Etsy.

Happy holidays from OOF! (naturally nsfw)

Have you been norty or noice?

US2.50 from thepricklyforest at Etsy.

The 12 Vulvas of Christmas (nsfw)

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me a vulva wrapped so neatly
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me a vulva that's a piece of candy
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me a vulva chocolate and flavoury
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me a vulva so savory
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me five bite sized vulvas
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me a vulva so sweetly
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me a vulva so chocolatey
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me a vulva so yummy

... and that's all our seller has.

US$25 from ForTheLOVEofVEGAN at Etsy.

Happy Spermas

At OOF we take festivities seriously. If we could be bothered to have a Christmas tree, we would. But instead we'll settle for this designer light fitting, which has enough shiny glowing spermlets to delight even the most discerning sperm connoisseurs.

Sperm Light Fitting, $POA from posh designer lamp shop in Paddington, Sydney.


To our eternal delight, one of the gifts we have received includes a witchlet sperm from the legendary maker of Ballerina Sperm. Love.

Wicked Witch Sperm, no longer available (because it's ours ) from freezedriedevil at Etsy.

Pickle Passion

While this fairy may raise some eyebrows with her pickle adoration, please remove any impure thoughts from your mind! This fairy simply adores her dills.

I'm sorry, but this fairy is riding that pickle. Hard. Dirty slapper.

US$6.75 from VeryMerryFairies at Etsy.

A gift from Rudolph! (nsfw)

From the seller: "Reindeer Poop begins with top notes of apples and pears; followed by middle notes of eucalyptus, pine, and geranium; and well-balanced with base notes of vanilla, cedarwood, and patchouli. I believe that the bubbly top notes coincide with the feeling children have when they see Santa’s reindeer magically flying through the sky."

US$5 from SweetSurrenderCandle at Etsy.

The Ultimate Holiday Card Set of 4

From the item description:

In the tradition of "Keep Calm and Carry On", these cards provide an updated perspective on every special occasion while maintaining the typographical integrity of the original wartime poster.

US$8 from dippylulu at Etsy.

Missile Toad

Watch out Dita Von Teese riding a lipstick, mistletoe pun toad is on the scene and is stealing your moves.

US$30 from casualcarver at Etsy.

Holly Berry Festive Penis Sculpture (nsfw)

Add to your collection of peens with this unique uncut speciment. Tasteful festive decoration rests ever so daintily on the testicular region, which also serves as a base for this sculpture. Recommended placing on the penii display shelf is between the Halloween ghost peen and the prized Golden Peen.

US$8 from thepricklyforest at Etsy.

Slightly Used - In Great Condition

Every Christmas tree should be adorned with used tampon ornaments. If not real ones, knitted will do.

US$8 from GoreDecor at Etsy.

Insta-friends Xmas Card

Do you find yourself receiving fewer cards each Christmas? Ignore the fact that you're a smelly asshat and people don't like you, and instead pay someone to send you their whacky Christmas card for the next six years!

For 6 years, the next creative installment will arrive in your mailbox each December. We'll be your kooky new insta-friends, perfect for refrigerator display!

US$10 from domestikate at Etsy.

Props to O for bringing this to my attention ;-)

Tampon Crafts: Toupee, Pan Flute and Christmas Lights

We need to build a tampon shrine to adequately worship the ingenuity of these delights and their masterful creator. We take off our cloches to your talents, oh Tampon Tamperer.

Priceless creations Tampon Toupee, Tampon Pan Flute and Tampon Christmas Lights from TamponCrafts.com.

Grumpy gnome ornament

All I want for Christmas, orders Alastair the grumpy gnome, is for you to stop having sex with strangers that you meet on the internet.

Furry muff. Obviously there's some residual bitterness from the seller over her boyfriend/husband/other half/fuck buddy/crush hooking up with randoms via MySpace or dating websites and making the sex.

US$10 from tineseamonster at Etsy.

Hanging Doll Ornaments

The festive panicking season is around the corner, and what better way to prepare for it than to purchase handmade baubles for the tree? Adorn your fir with ornaments that allude to your homicidal side, the kids will love them.

US$10 from plasticdollhouse at Etsy.

Christmmunism

Oh don piano.

US$9 from camuscanoe at Etsy.