Peen Apparel - A Wardrobe for the Well-Dressed Peen (nsfw)

From the legend that brought us these cute felt peens comes a fashion collection to rival Galliano and Dior. Our favourite is the tough-guy studded collar.

US$10 from LittleGreenPeen at Etsy.

ManHandle Pot Holders (nsfw)

Best peen-related idea ever. Colour coordinate with matching boob bowls for extra win.

ManHandle Pot Holder in Tan and in Red, US$6.50 each from ayarnnut at Etsy.

Finger Puppets - Four Play Set (nsfw)

The seller of this neat little set writes:

This crocheted set comes with 2 innies (vagina and anus) and 2 outies (penis and tongue).
...
Penises, Vaginas and Anuses are available in four colours-- peach, tan, brown or dark brown. Tongues are available in light or dark pink.

US$20 from shannongerard at Etsy.

Sexpot, sexpot, you're my sexpot (nsfw)

Hand-thrown stoneware, with bonus pun. Perfect for storing jewellery and trinkets.

US$65 from oldmillpottery at Etsy.

Rude Pearl Earrings (nsfw)

Neat little peens with polished pearly testicular saclets on each side. Aww.

US$18 from BrassMonkeyDesigns at Etsy.

Goooooood Morning Cross Stitch Pattern (nsfw)

If you were looking for a cross stitch pattern that is at full mast even before you begin stitching, this is it.

US$7 from CrotchStitch at Etsy.

Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly? (nsfw)

For the wench, Viv, who apparently can't get enough penii on our blog. Happy Festivus. Wanna see our urchins?

US$13 from thepricklyforest at Etsy.

Brian's Boner - Original Painting (nsfw)

We know all about paintings featuring vaginas and dressing up your pet, but this one takes the cake.

US$250 from Snitterdog at Etsy.

From Mimi: Etat Libre d'Orange Magnificent Secretions (nsfw)

Our beautiful friend Mimi was visiting Mecca Cosmetica in a department store, saw this exquisitely packaged olfactory gem and had to MMS it to us immediately. We could not be more grateful.

AU$125 for 50ml from Mecca Cosmetica.

Holly Berry Festive Penis Sculpture (nsfw)

Add to your collection of peens with this unique uncut speciment. Tasteful festive decoration rests ever so daintily on the testicular region, which also serves as a base for this sculpture. Recommended placing on the penii display shelf is between the Halloween ghost peen and the prized Golden Peen.

US$8 from thepricklyforest at Etsy.

Big Blue Boyfriend

Your very own phallic friend, made from blue pyrex glass. Replete with various skin ailments for that special touch, and this in the description:

You will break your pelvic bone before this baby even gets a scratch (it is extremely unlikely that you will break your pelvic bone while using this, unless your arm has the force of a jack hammer ;-)

US$62.50 from InfiniteCosmosGirl at Etsy.

How's it hanging?

The seller implores you to:

Show your support for the cut or uncut penis by wearing one of each!

US$4 from thepricklyforest at Etsy.

Peen Ring - Adjustable

From the seller's mouth:

...nothing draws attention like a phallic member on your phalanges!!not only is there penis and testicles, but there is a mound of curly-q pubic hair above it all.

For appreciators of only the finest peen jewellery.

US$3 from thebunnyshiccup at Etsy.

Flash Your Peen - Engraved Hoodie Charm

Wear your heart on your sleeve, your peen on your left leg outside your pants and your favourite sexual position on your tank top. Pants optional.

US$6 from LaCoque at Etsy.

Penis Groom and Vagina Bride Anatomy Cake Topper

Tasteful and unique, this wedding cake topper is the perfect addition to your special day. The bed is cushioned and has little pillows, so rest assured that these representations of your anatomy will lounge on your cake in complete comfort.

US$25 from GreatEscapes at Etsy.

Naughty Man Parts Hair Clips

Hottest accessory straight from the couture shows in Paris. Wear both dainty flavours at once — Strong Man Probe and Sausage Bouquet.

US$7.50 from Culturerevolution at Etsy.

Lady Vagina Mouth and Penis Face

We love this dynamic duo. What a shame that they were not born in the same era.

Lady Vagina Face and Penis Face paintings, US$30 each from jhyle at Etsy.

The Devil's Hand Puppet clay bracelet

The story behind this one is sweet, the seller's name for penii was The Devil's Hand Puppet. Thus the bracelet, combining devil heads with adorable twisty horns and miniature penii replete with wee pubes. Made of polymer clay and sheer win.

US$39.99 from poetsummer at Etsy.

Penis Gel Candle Monkey Fart Scented

The seller assures us that the candle will burn for 40 hours. We are so grateful, it means 40 hours of the delicious-sounding Monkey Fart fragrance. We'd be sad to see the little peen melt though.

US$6 from jotaysgel at Etsy.

One can never have too many penii, dahlink

So many penii, not enough time. Not in this case!

US$32 from bencandance at Etsy.