In Honour of Migraines

Migraine accuracy scale: (good amount of suffering, under-eye circles, bonus points for vomming)
Not Tonight Honey I Have a Migraine - Original ACEO Drawing
US$5 from WorldOfMoments at Etsy.

Migraine accuracy scale: (roaring grizzly clawing around inside brain, perfect 5)
Migraine Bear
US$11 from cobcreations at Etsy.

Migraine accuracy scale: (could have more pain analogies, but good representation of audio-visual cacophony and aura)
Migraine Bird Toy
US$12 from zeeksbeak at Etsy.

Migraine accuracy scale: (too serene, and no long-legged bird has ever sucked our brain pain away in a rainbow)
Migraine painting
US$45 from loadedhipspress at Etsy.

Migraine accuracy scale: (perfect as a post-brain burn haze, but the eyes are too clear for an actual migraine, though the splatters are convincing and we can relate)
Migraine Girl Abstract Art 8x10 Print
US$12 from SquiggleArt at Etsy.

Vagina Shrine (nsfw)

From the creator of Cunt n Crossbones comes this vadge shrine. Keep it for yourself or give away to the nearest minge worshipper, your business really.

US$30 from QuiteCntrary at Etsy.

Hank Sculpture

The seller writes:

hank is seriously considering investing in a new razor.

Perhaps, perhaps.

US$20 from dancesippydance at Etsy.

Maine Potato Eye Burl Wood Carving Sculpture

Described as Maine Potato Eye Burl Wood Carving Sculpture, this creation reminds us of something else (on a stick). But this could just be a case of eye of the beholder syndrome, of course.

US$65 from bearpawrustics at Etsy.

Heck Pig

Heck-Pig likes to wind down after a long day of flying across country by swooping in on un-suspecting Bar-B-Qs and startling the people. She squeals and snorts and helps herself to the sliced water melon without even asking.
Because she's Heck-Pig.
She's a rebel.

We like her already.

US$10 from ALittleCharacter at Etsy.

Moose Poop-les

The seller writes:

Made from authentic Wyoming moose scat, these figurines are always a big hit, not just for scatologists. Moose' poop'les make great personalized gifts that can highlight your recipient's job, hobby or lifestyle.

US$25+ from casualcarver at Etsy.

Giant Praying Mantis - OOAK Original Soft Sculptural Work

The seller explains:

Who could be a better companion than this giant woolly mantid? This fierce creature is an original, one-of-a-kind, hansigurumi soft sculpture, handmade with precision and love, swathed in vivid hues of pink, indigo, and black.

And what a cuddly giant woolly mantid it is.

US$250 from hansigurumi at Etsy.

Inviernessa Skadi Winter Goddess

...makes a very thoughtful baby shower gift, and those eyes could be a very powerful focusing tool during childbirth.

If someone wanted us to look at this winter goddess while squeezing out a crotchmuffin, we'd probably invent a medieval style curse especially for them. But that's just us.

US$10.95 from LovelockCrafts at Etsy.

Holly Berry Festive Penis Sculpture (nsfw)

Add to your collection of peens with this unique uncut speciment. Tasteful festive decoration rests ever so daintily on the testicular region, which also serves as a base for this sculpture. Recommended placing on the penii display shelf is between the Halloween ghost peen and the prized Golden Peen.

US$8 from thepricklyforest at Etsy.

Everyone hates dentists...

...but does anyone ever wonder what we, the victims, look like to dentists? We wonder sometimes, and we think it may look like these art jugs.

Pineapple Head Jug, Mutant Blue Eyed Fish Jug and Sharp Toothy Bulging Eye Severely Unhappy McCain After Defeat Jug, US$40 each from Faceman at Etsy.

Boob Ceramic Pipe Medium/Dark Skin

I'm sure Sherlock Holmes would have preferred this multicultural boobular masterpiece over his usual boring pipe.

US$9 from PotterHeads at Etsy.

Alabaster Shoe

For the special uncle who buys people's used socks on the net, here the start of an exciting new hobby. This collector's item will blow his frilly, pre-worn schoolgirl socks off.

US$3 from january22 at Etsy.

Giraffe-pattern Miniature Ceramic Shoe

Only two things could make this shoe better for us:

1. If it had the LV logo slapped all over it as well, and
2. If it were part of a real pair worn by Carrie.

US$100 from rachelondon at Etsy.

It may look like a dildo from Dr Seuss, but this thought didn't occur to the seller, as nowhere within the description or tags do the words "dildo" and "Dr Seuss" appear. Hmm.

Instead, the seller says describes it as a perfect piece of interactive abstract soft sculpture to pop in your living room, give as a gift, sit on, play with, cuddle, or just gaze lovingly at!

US$160 from emmajane3 at Etsy.

Still Under Construction

The seller of this architectural marvel tells us that the "plastic pearl beads represent milk". We are disappointed, we were guessing fireworks or at least Nerds. Perfect as a gift for mum, in case she forgets what mammaries are for.

US$150 from courtneyscastle at Etsy.

Bindi Pendant

Ever wondered what the matriarch of a family of green worms looks like in Bollywood costume? Neither did we, and yet...

US$15 from weDesigns at Etsy.

Glueck

The seller writes:

In German Glueck means luck. I'm not sure if this fellow brings good or bad luck but he's always happy and you can't resist rubbing that cute little tummy.

We could resist. Really.

US$28 from Nothinglikeit at Etsy.

What the fuck?

Imaginatively titled The Yeti and his Big-Titted Snow Lady Girlfriend the seller adds:

Al is a yeti. Some refer to him as an abominable snowman, but he prefers the term, "yeti." It's more cryptic that way. Although he is not exactly mammal or plant or fish, he does have a humongous libido and is in the process of courting this well-endowed snow-lady. Her name is Sylvia, she's from Minneapolis, and she's way into foreign films. Her dream is to work with Pedro Almodovar, but that would involve moving to Spain or South America. It doesn't really snow there so she wouldn't really exist, which is why the film-industry thing is only a dream. I mean, she could get into soft-core adult-snow films...

The desciption alone is worth the selling price.

US$40 from LadyRayCello at Etsy.

Good to be a Different Bird

Not a sea creature or a genital sculpture, but a bird pendant. Bless.

US$39 from WEARABLESonaWHIM at Etsy.

Used Chamber Pot Dollhouse Miniature

Our first impression of this masterpiece was that it was an egg yolk in a cup. Not so. It is a tiny toilet filled with tiny pee. We bet your beloved Barbie Doll House is dying for one of these quaint little wonders.

US$15 from Livinginthepast at Etsy.