Finger In Your Ear Plug

If you're bored with earrings, stick an old lady's finger in your ear. The more realistic looking, the better.

US$18 from giovannacoraggio at Etsy.

Bloody Psycho Knife and Bloody Meat Cleaver Earrings

We ourselves may be eagerly awaiting a parcel with a Karen Walker Axe Pendant in it, but our attention right now is on these blood-smeared earrings. Choice of meat cleaver or handy kitchen knife.

Bloody Meat Cleaver Earrings and Bloody Psycho Knife Earrings, US$6 each from strangexchange at Etsy.

Sperm Earring Wednesday

Sleek, simple and spermly. As all jewellery should aspire to be.
US$17 from duckduckGoosestuff at Etsy.

Hurray, we have a winner!

US$38 from Mocahete at Etsy.

Contemporary jewellery with simple, understated lines and the unmistakable curvature of a happy sperm with a piece of metal through its head.
US$5 from evilsarah at Etsy.

Booby Tuesday

Prefer to have your tits on show? These delightful boob stud earrings may be exactly what you're looking for.

US$8 from kinky at Etsy.

Not enough crafty types (who like boob-themed accessories & homewares) use beads as nipples. I feel it's very effective. Take this Boob Cuff. See? Beads for nips. Excellent.

US$34 from ItsMyBag at Etsy.

Rude Pearl Earrings (nsfw)

Neat little peens with polished pearly testicular saclets on each side. Aww.

US$18 from BrassMonkeyDesigns at Etsy.

Nobody puts Baby in the corner

Phew! Do you know how many times I've lamented the fact that I was unable to find ANY cheap plastic-y looking earrings featuring those crazy kids, Johnny & Baby?

US$15 from khall1981 at Etsy.

Polka Dot Dangles

The seller calls these stylised earrings 'Polka Dot Dangles', but to us they look like spermlets. Eye of the beholder and all that.

US$160 from LizardsJewelry at Etsy.

Help! I'm having 80's flashbacks.

Love the 80's? Still have that Ken Done doona cover? Can't wait for acid wash to come back in? Yes? Then these are the earrings for you.

US$14 from cherriesrockmysocks at Etsy.

Genuine Shotgun Shell Silver Ladies Earrings

The description of this item tells us:

These are just so cute and perfect for Mom or the special gal in your life!

We know of at least one famous mum who'd love a pair.

US$14 from awelldressedbullet at Etsy.

It's bac'n!

Whenever I hear the word bacon I think about an ad that was on the TV a while back for Bac'n dog snacks "it's bacaaaaaaaaaaaan". Now you can wear these dericious meaty replicas in your ears. Also mix and match with an egg or waffle. Breakfast is served.

US$8 from zenmomma at Etsy.

Exoskeleton Earrings

Bits of dead beetles have never looked so chic, not even the vintage specimens found behind the couch. Did we mention these earrings "produce a gentle fluttering sound when moved or shaken"? Just to remind you what you're wearing next to your face. Nom nom.

US$30 from exoskeletoncabaret at Etsy.

How's it hanging?

The seller implores you to:

Show your support for the cut or uncut penis by wearing one of each!

US$4 from thepricklyforest at Etsy.

Delicious Uterus Finds from Viv

The achingly stylish Viv of Ish & Chi has gathered some uterus-themed treats for us.

Uteri in the sky earrings
US$12 from tangerined at Etsy.

Happy uterus
US$25 from primavera777 at Etsy.

Pink Uterus Undies
US$11 from harveyandeileen at Etsy.

Raccoon Claw Earrings

Adorn your ears with real raccoon claws. Others may have faux claws but you can have The Real Thing. If you feel crafty, the seller also has packs of claws so you can make matching necklace and nose picker.

US$4.95 from tandscreations at Etsy.

Toilet Paper Earrings

Our old favourites. If only these earrings could magically transform into real toilet paper when you're stuck in a public bathroom post-pee with an empty roll holder.

US$30 from LiciaBeads at Etsy.

Buttface earrings

I'm confident that the blurred photo does NO justice to these earrings. Buttface on the left is a tad wall eyed. Shame.

US$3 from wyldcat at Etsy.

Stuffed kitten earrings

Our favourite things, kittens and bling, brought together in an oh so unique earring.

US$12.00 from imyourpresent at Etsy.

Biwa Pearl Cascade Earrings

Adorn your ears with miniature condoms. Cascading in a sensual wave from your ear lobes, they will show potential partners that you are prepared and protected.

US$64 from nonakednecks at Etsy.

In honour of Kitty's birthday

Sadly, taxidermied animal jewellery is hard to find.

Thankfully, this pair of squirrel feet earrings exist.

US$65 from lovedtodeath at Etsy.

Must-have moustaches

Who doesn't want to wear enormous moustache earrings?

US$6 from SheCountsCrows at Etsy.

Unpierced ears? Or want to add to your 'tache stash?

Wear both for hirsute hilarity!

US$14.99 from LittleAngelsJewelry at Etsy.