ManHandle Pot Holders (nsfw)

Best peen-related idea ever. Colour coordinate with matching boob bowls for extra win.

ManHandle Pot Holder in Tan and in Red, US$6.50 each from ayarnnut at Etsy.

Six Foot Tall Plastic Spork

It's a... six foot tall plastic spork. A legend, a star, a spork to beat all other sporks into humility. We bow before thee, oh mighty spork. Pose with us too.

US$500 from paulpapedesigns at Etsy.

( . )( . ) Pot Holders (nsfw)

Grab a handful of ASCII-style boob each time you burn something in the kitchen. ( . )( . ) for all.

US$15 from CrochetandCrafts at Etsy.

Sexy Anna - French Bowl (nsfw)

Our darling friend Mops found this designer gem. We adore her but we love her even more now, for thanks to her we are able to present you with this unique nip-abundant saucer. Yeah, yeah, it comes with a cup, but the saucer - it has a nip. Just in case you didn't get that - there's a realistic-looking nip. On the saucer.

AU$49 from DesignForUse.

Everyone hates dentists...

...but does anyone ever wonder what we, the victims, look like to dentists? We wonder sometimes, and we think it may look like these art jugs.

Pineapple Head Jug, Mutant Blue Eyed Fish Jug and Sharp Toothy Bulging Eye Severely Unhappy McCain After Defeat Jug, US$40 each from Faceman at Etsy.

Arse Coaster Set

These are coasters. They spell out 'arse'. Made of fuse beads and awesome.

US$10 from chaosandanarchy at Etsy.

Serial Killer Trophy - Amigurumi Eyeballs

Seller's description includes the following:

Eyeballs (complete with gooey bits) are crocheted with acrylic yarn.
...
WHEN ORDERING, PLEASE SPECIFY EYE COLOR AND BLOODSHOT OR NOT BLOODSHOT

We do wonder if a miniature fork stuck in one of them would cost extra.

US$12 from theselovinghands at Etsy.

Don't Forget Your Pants Magnet

Some of us were born without those cute lower back dimples. Things get sadder when even a fridge magnet bum has them and we don't. Sob.

US$8 from TheKnottyPine at Etsy.

Boobie Bowl

This boob bowl is not only going to bring the boys to the yard, it's going to empty their pockets and poke their eyes out with fierce crocheted nips.

US$10 from KinkyCrochet at Etsy.

Twat Holder - Pot Holder

One can never have too many vadges around the home. Your friends will die from envy when they see you hold your pots with this pretty handknit genital.

US$8 from dontletmamasee at Etsy.

Lucky Ball Jar

How, tell me — how has your kitchen been existing without lovingly preserved testicles? An abomination of kitchenly decorum. These are a must.

US$50 from Doodlemonkie at Etsy.

3-Headed Cookie Jar

Give your children the most exquisite nightmares without even realising. They will never, ever ask for a cookie again after seeing the 3 faces of this delightful art jar. The strangle-ready hands of the jar will keep your little ones at bay, while the pink sparkly boa will add klarse to any room. Particularly the dungeon.

US$40 from Hellray77 at Etsy.