Sushi Slippers

Invite your hot date up for a glass of wine and slip into something more comfortable.

US$28 from sushibooties at Etsy.

Who Gives A Literal Flying F*ck?

ThinkGeek do. Love.

Flying F*CK R/C Helicopter, US$19.99 from ThinkGeek.

Buzz Buzz Neigh Neigh

The seller writes:

Uh-Oh! This is what happens when little Suzy leaves her toys in Daddy's matter transference modules...
Daddy told her to stay out of the lab a million times!
Now she went and left her pony to get combined with a fly! Eeek!
This hot pink little darling is about 4-3/4 inches tall and 4 inches long from the tip of her nose to the tip of her wing.
Go ahead, you know you want to sing it - my little horsefly, my little horsefly...

This one gets points for the description alone, the faux lashes on the horsie are bonus brilliance really.

US$10 from badsnail at Etsy.

Delicious decapitated heads

If we were felines, we'd be rubbing our paws in glee at these beautifully constructed decapitated head toys. The seller agrees:

My cat used to bring me dead things, and as much as I'd love to validate my cat's pride, I could not keep the bird carcass in front of the door. I figured all could win with this decapitated mouse head. I get to see her flex her mean skills and she gets to annihilate something.

You get three heads of your choice. Please indicate which heads you would like in the notes to seller. If none are indicated you get one of each.These de'cat'pitated heads are made with felt, poly-fil, organic cat nip and several gooey/oozy/bloody yarn neck bits.

Nom nom. Sigh. Perhaps in our next life.

US$25 from spellwell at Etsy.

Peen Apparel - A Wardrobe for the Well-Dressed Peen (nsfw)

From the legend that brought us these cute felt peens comes a fashion collection to rival Galliano and Dior. Our favourite is the tough-guy studded collar.

US$10 from LittleGreenPeen at Etsy.

Krizzle Gradvlak

This guy means business:

Krizzle Gradvlak is an alien bounty hunter hired by the Sphyrnian high command to hunt down the escaped rebel Tithonian ship and destroy it. He is a ruthless and treacherous professional assassin. His favorite hobbies are skiing, scrap booking, sudoko, and vaporizing alien scum. No one is sure of Krizzle's origins, his home world, or anything about his back ground; they do know he's extremely dangerous and to stay well away from him. Be happy your not on Krizzle's hit list, cuz if you are You won't be for long.

Made of fleece, felt and AWESOME.

US$25 from happycloud at Etsy.

You Should Feel Lucky I Remembered Your Birthday Without A Facebook Reminder Card

We are blushing right now. It's not that we don't remember, our minds are just full of prospective posts, grand ideas, plots and plans...

US$5 from dandee at Etsy.

Personal Hygiene Reminder 5 Pack

Make the world a better place. Carry some sheer fucking brilliance in a handy business card format and distribute to those who need it.

US$5 from Earmark at Etsy.

Bikes & crotches don't mix

Finally someone's put into craft what I've been thinking all along: bike seats exascerbate camel toe.

US$3 from kingdog at Etsy.

The Deuce Ring

The seller explains:

I just thought it would be really funny to have a nice, well made ring with a small shiny turd in the center.

We are instant fans, srsly.

US$70 from metalsugar at Etsy.

Banana Bunker

Protect your phallic fruit from unnecessary damage. Bung it in a Banana Bunker.

US$4.99 (for one) or $19.95 (for five) from Banana Bunker.