Fuck You, Exchange Rate

That's right. Fuck you, AUD/USD exchange rate. If it weren't for you, we'd be ordering these awesome cards RIGHT NOW.

We use these phrases in real life. As should you.

Nom nom nom Pop-Up Card and O Hai Pop-Up Card, US$4.50 each from tracychong at Etsy.

Prince Charming Card

Give this card to a former beloved with their smelly band shirts. After the cat is done with them.

US$1.99 from JadeAnn at Etsy.

Marriage Congratulations Card

Know any poor souls friends who are planning to join their souls in matrimony? Give them a card that tells it like it is, in a pretty way.

US$2.95 from notmoira at Etsy.

Pregnancy Card

I could wax lyrical about the pretty cover design, but my favourite part is the message on the inside:

I'm waiting for my sister to announce her second pregnancy so I can buy this for her. She'd appreciate it!

US$2 from goatcards at Etsy.

Crap business card holder

Ahhh wouldn't your bosses business cards look splendid in this? The recipe for this crap has been in the seller's family for years: "My family and I make Professional Grade Fake Dog Poop for movies, big and small." I'm reassured.

US$9.95 from BrownFido at Etsy.

I would give up my superfast internet for you card

*FOR THE WEEKEND.

So much win, honestly. We love.

US$4 from ableandgame at Etsy.

Shitting Dog Valentines Day Card

This awesome card reminds us of a legendary Threadless shirt.

US$3 from lusterbunny at Etsy.

'I Sharted' Card

Just add "in your bag" and give to your favourite colleague at a leaving function.

US$2.75 from notmoira at Etsy.

I like you more than poop card

How much you like the recipient of this card is entirely dependent on how much you like poop.
(For the record, it's made from undercooked instant cake mix).

US$3 from jillhannah at Etsy.

Pubic Holiday Card

The seller adds:

There's a festive season in your pants and everyones invited! Comes with a white envelope.

We're in love and are already singing it out loud.

US$5 from littlewave at Etsy.

Killing Two Birds With Two Peas In A Pod Card

Q: What's better than a card with a pun?
A: A card with multi-layed puns. And peas.

US$3 from Idiomsyncrasies at Etsy.

You Should Feel Lucky I Remembered Your Birthday Without A Facebook Reminder Card

We are blushing right now. It's not that we don't remember, our minds are just full of prospective posts, grand ideas, plots and plans...

US$5 from dandee at Etsy.

Valentine's Day Card Suggestions

Valentine's Day is sneaking up. Perhaps give a card to one of the smug fuckers who will be parading back and forth with their rose and teddy bear combos.

Douche Bag Card US$2.25, I'd Pull Your Plug Card US$2.50, Chauvinist Pig Card US$2 from Jailbird at Etsy.

Happy Birthday Poppy!

Darling Poppy, these are for you.

Warning. Today you are as young as you will ever be for the rest of your life. mug 12 oz.

US$28 from wallywarepottery at Etsy.

Happy Steak and Cunnilingus Day card
US$5 from maybeyoushoulddie at Etsy.

Save a Tree - Eat a Beaver - Cardcase
US$10 from tinymeat at Etsy.

Valentine's day can bite our bits

Don't want your your wallet sucked dry this year? Why not settle for a heartfelt card that won't break the bank instead?


US$3.25 from monkeyandseal at Etsy.


The above two cards can be yours for US$5 from maybeyoushoulddie at Etsy.

Personal Hygiene Reminder 5 Pack

Make the world a better place. Carry some sheer fucking brilliance in a handy business card format and distribute to those who need it.

US$5 from Earmark at Etsy.

Rudolph's Revenge (nsfw)

This is the card we are sending out to our loved ones next year.

US$2.50 from nancyfarmer at Etsy.

Happy New Year To You, Your Pets and Your Electrical Appliances

The seller urges:

What is your pet REALLY thinking about things? What do "the Holidays" mean to them, or anything else, for that matter? How can you help fill in the gaps for them?

I do only Phone Consultations, so you, your pet and I have an interactive, 3-way conversation. There's nothing like it!

GIVE YOUR PET THE GIFT OF COMMUNICATION THIS YEAR!

And you wanted to give your pet some cheap new toy. Tsk tsk.
US$25-US$75 from baymaven on Ebay.

This is a Disney pin, according to the seller. Butterflies and booze, they go together so well. Start 'em young!
US$2.65+ from domdisneypin on Ebay.

Oh how we agree. Poo to you, 2008, and goodbye.
US$2.95 from notmoira at Etsy.

Vagina Best Friends Stationery Set (nsfw)

Relinquish the faceless days of Facebook and resume hand-written chivalry with this set of 5 colourful cards and envelopes, each card stamped and embossed with friendly little vadges holding hands. Aww.

US$4.75 from snew at Etsy.

The Ultimate Holiday Card Set of 4

From the item description:

In the tradition of "Keep Calm and Carry On", these cards provide an updated perspective on every special occasion while maintaining the typographical integrity of the original wartime poster.

US$8 from dippylulu at Etsy.