Nippleclogular Footwear (NSFW)

Your boss will never look down your top again, he'll be too busy checking out your perky new shoes. Through Lost At E Minor.

Orange Poo Catcher Pants

The fashion world seems to have confused the concept of harem pants with low-flying extended crotch pants, commonly known as poo catcher pants. Grab yours in this delightful print before they're last season again.

US$60 from potc at Etsy.

Peen Apparel - A Wardrobe for the Well-Dressed Peen (nsfw)

From the legend that brought us these cute felt peens comes a fashion collection to rival Galliano and Dior. Our favourite is the tough-guy studded collar.

US$10 from LittleGreenPeen at Etsy.

Mischievous Moustache Monkey

Dashing debonaire sock monkey likes to groom his 'tache with organic pomade, read The Sartorialist and post photos of his outfits on his style blog.

US$25 from blackbirdfashion at Etsy.

Shag Carpet Slippers

The seller's brilliant description, worth every cent:

Do you miss the 70s? Me neither. But doesn’t walking on shag carpeting feel really great? These handmade slippers are made from two pieces of high quality, left-over shag carpeting with strips of leather to hold everything together. They keep your toes plenty warm plus it feels like walking on a big bushy sheep dog!!! These pictured are our personal pair. For sizing your own, take a pair of your sandals or shoes and trace one on a piece of paper, scan it, and email it to me. Hurry before shag comes back in style and we can’t afford it anymore!

US$15 from tigerfite at Etsy.

Beret and Scarf Bag

The seller writes:

Beret&Scarf Bag is a surrealistic, playful bag made by hand. It is one-the-kind - there is no other bag like this brown one!

This we're sure of.

US$55 from celapiu at Etsy.

Flap Choker Necklace

Wear your flaps around your neck. These are so floppy and soft-looking.

US$24 from isobelandcleo at Etsy.

Moustache Ride Burnout Pocket Tank

Why hello there, tank top of awesomeness. That's a nice 'tache you have there. Wanna come for a ride? *sleazy wink*

US$20 from asheyhiccup at Etsy.

Stitched-up Zombie Bear Necklace

The seller writes:

You are invited to a Zombie Bear picnic; bring friends, they can eat a lot!

From stitched up wounds, yellowed teeth, and a bulging red eye, it’s clear that this little guy isn’t your typical teddy bear. He was handmade out of polymer clay, and then given a fur-like texture. Around his wounds, he was lightly coated with liquid polymer, giving the appearance of matted fur. His arms, legs, and head, are free to move and sway, allowing him to express himself as he sees fit.

We love the attention to detail and the sexy pose in the last pic.

US$30 from DeliciousHobo at Etsy.

I Kick Ass for the Lord Shirt

The seller writes:

You don't need to be a karate loving priest to bring down the wrath of god. Wear this shirt anytime you find yourself amongst evil and let it be known you can throw down a little "divine intervention" of your own.

This design was inspired by a very famous line from Peter Jackson's 1992 gore-a-rama "Dead Alive" / "Braindead".

We just wanted to post it for the second pic, really.

US$18.50 from JuncoPartner at Etsy.

Stink Finger Vinyl Wallet

So the mags keep squealing that luxury is dead. This means you'll be putting away that LV monogrammed wallet and replacing it with this delightful number.

US$10.89 from agorables at Etsy.

Potty Mouth Shirt

Just the essentials, to get you through the day. You could also chant it as a single word, shitfuckpissasscuntbitch, for extra tang.

US$28 from moresassvintage at Etsy.

Giraffe-pattern Miniature Ceramic Shoe

Only two things could make this shoe better for us:

1. If it had the LV logo slapped all over it as well, and
2. If it were part of a real pair worn by Carrie.

US$100 from rachelondon at Etsy.

Nicky's Favourite: Crazy Chip Bag Headpiece

This luminescent headpiece was sent to us by a dear reader, Nicky. We think it will look rather fetch on her blonde locks, especially when matched with a dainty Pringles container instead of a clutch. Recycle chic.

US$22 from BoringSidney at Etsy.

Bloomers, Burnout Velvet, Maroon and Peach

The seller describes these fashion morsels as "super sexy and [...] purrrfect for summertime fun". We believe these should come with a recommendation of merriment and gaiety for maidens who may foolishly frolic in the meadows in other attire.

US$35 from darkfusionboutique at Etsy.