Brief jerky

We consider these to be the first in "meat haute coutoure [sic]". They are made to order for each specific customer from the highest quality of dried preserved meats we can find at the closest convenience store. This particular pair was created to fit our very own model Hairy McSpecies! We will be adding his "action shots" soon. Currently there are too many good photos to choose from. Rumor has it that wearing our BRIEF JERKY undergarments will release their natural pheremones once your body heat and moisture kicks in!

I can envisage OOF contributers' favourite make up maestro, Napoleon Perdis, trussing his frank & beans up in a pair.

I leave you with this image:

US$139 from mixedspecies at Etsy.

For your Kokeshi Doll collection...

We have recently been enamoured by cute Kokeshi dolls, the Japanese-inspired decorative dolls to brighten up your interiors, especially by our friend Viv's little collection over at Ish and Chi.

However, we do feel that the selection presented to you today is made of pure nerdly goodness and will be treasured by your spawn for many light years to come. Display them next to the beloved light saber on your bedside table.

Cartman Limited Edition US$32 from myKokeshi at Etsy, Sith Inspired Custom US$30 from temple7e at Etsy, Vulcan Inspired Custom US$30 from temple7e at Etsy, Villain Inspired Custom from temple7e at Etsy.

Sushi Slippers

Invite your hot date up for a glass of wine and slip into something more comfortable.

US$28 from sushibooties at Etsy.

Fuck You, Exchange Rate

That's right. Fuck you, AUD/USD exchange rate. If it weren't for you, we'd be ordering these awesome cards RIGHT NOW.

We use these phrases in real life. As should you.

Nom nom nom Pop-Up Card and O Hai Pop-Up Card, US$4.50 each from tracychong at Etsy.

Crowning pendant

Celebrate the moment of birth, extolls the seller. Celebrate the moment you're torn from V to A is what I'd write.

US$9.50 from doulahara at Etsy.

Prince Charming Card

Give this card to a former beloved with their smelly band shirts. After the cat is done with them.

US$1.99 from JadeAnn at Etsy.

Eggs and bacon belt

Show your love of the Atkin's diet with this belt, handcrafted to look remarkably like a rasher of bacon and a fried egg.

US$460 from belt at Etsy.

CustomEyes Eye Stalks

Getting a bit sick of traditional bouquets? Share a mutual love of eyeballs? Why not delight your beloved with this original arrangement.

AU$14 from The Little Orchard at Madeit.

Buttony Bernice, or wtf? (as I prefer)

Buttony Bernice is always worrying about the neighborhood’s business. She can be seen hanging out on her stoop,i n her striped housedress, hair curling in a towel, with a cig to spare. She doesn’t take crap from anyone.

But what is it?

US$35 from AvrilsUglyBabies at Etsy.

You Should Feel Lucky I Remembered Your Birthday Without A Facebook Reminder Card

We are blushing right now. It's not that we don't remember, our minds are just full of prospective posts, grand ideas, plots and plans...

US$5 from dandee at Etsy.

Kylie Minogue arm draught stopper

Possibly the most useful thing ever to carry the name of 'our Kylie' (srsly, you can keep her).

Warning: May contain Anna Kournikova.

US$35 from HotLegs at Etsy.

Telling it like it is

You've gotta respect that.

US$12 from yesican56 at Etsy.

Your cat wants you to buy this

Notice as you read this scintillating post how your cat has its eyes fixed on you. It's called mind control and cats are very good at it.

Buy this bowl (Kermit got me to write that via mind control. See? It's true.).

US$22 from wallywarepottery at Etsy.

My uterus is a superhero

Yep, that's right. My uterus can beat up your uterus blindfolded.

Complete with cape and superhero curl.

US$17.99 from VulvaLoveLovely at Etsy.

Vagina pipe (nsfw)

Far be it from me to go past anything vag-related.

From the talented potter who brought us the boob pipe.

US$16 from PooterHeads at Etsy.

Booby Tuesday

Prefer to have your tits on show? These delightful boob stud earrings may be exactly what you're looking for.

US$8 from kinky at Etsy.

Not enough crafty types (who like boob-themed accessories & homewares) use beads as nipples. I feel it's very effective. Take this Boob Cuff. See? Beads for nips. Excellent.

US$34 from ItsMyBag at Etsy.

Squid hat

In the tradition of the shark hat comes the squid hat. Tentacles are so hot right now.

US$30 from ObeyMyBrain at Etsy.

Did someone say 'big balls'? (nsfw)

This is an awesome D.I.Y. business card, ID, or cigarette case that is handmade by me and brand new-- you won't find this design anywhere but here because this is a SHS original!

Try teabagging those.

US$9.99 from sweetheartsinner at Etsy.

Turquoise fringey faerie

You know what really busts my balls? The spelling of 'faerie'. It's too similar to faeces.

And hark! are those tiny deformed peens adorning her faerie skirt? Tell me they are.

US$65 from Fairygarden at Etsy.

Best cross-stitch EVER

How to broach the subject of a co-worker/friend/family member's stinky snatch? It's a sensitive subject afterall. I challenge you to find anyone who'd be offended upon hearing the news via this cutesy cross stitch.

US$150 from squidskillpeople at Etsy.