Delicious decapitated heads

If we were felines, we'd be rubbing our paws in glee at these beautifully constructed decapitated head toys. The seller agrees:

My cat used to bring me dead things, and as much as I'd love to validate my cat's pride, I could not keep the bird carcass in front of the door. I figured all could win with this decapitated mouse head. I get to see her flex her mean skills and she gets to annihilate something.

You get three heads of your choice. Please indicate which heads you would like in the notes to seller. If none are indicated you get one of each.These de'cat'pitated heads are made with felt, poly-fil, organic cat nip and several gooey/oozy/bloody yarn neck bits.

Nom nom. Sigh. Perhaps in our next life.

US$25 from spellwell at Etsy.

Krizzle Gradvlak

This guy means business:

Krizzle Gradvlak is an alien bounty hunter hired by the Sphyrnian high command to hunt down the escaped rebel Tithonian ship and destroy it. He is a ruthless and treacherous professional assassin. His favorite hobbies are skiing, scrap booking, sudoko, and vaporizing alien scum. No one is sure of Krizzle's origins, his home world, or anything about his back ground; they do know he's extremely dangerous and to stay well away from him. Be happy your not on Krizzle's hit list, cuz if you are You won't be for long.

Made of fleece, felt and AWESOME.

US$25 from happycloud at Etsy.

CustomEyes Eye Stalks

Getting a bit sick of traditional bouquets? Share a mutual love of eyeballs? Why not delight your beloved with this original arrangement.

AU$14 from The Little Orchard at Madeit.

Purple Peen (nsfw)

You could say that we're fans of peen here at OOF HQ.

This one is pretty damn cute, although I'm somewhat disturbed that the seller needs to offer the following advice: Don't be sticking this stuffie anywhere a stuffie shouldn't be stuck, okay? ;)

US$10 from LittleGreenPeen at Etsy.

Zombie Uterus - The Prick Cushion

The seller asks:

Have you ever felt like your uterus was undead, trying to fight its nasty little way out of you?

Fuck yes, we answer. Our ovaries often crave brains, too.

US$25 from abitabite at Etsy.

Knitting in Biology 101

The seller writes:

3 out of 4 biologists agree: Knitting in Biology 101 is the cutest biology project, ever! If you think so too, then this, my friend, is the art object for you.

Wow your scientist friends and colleagues with the coolness of this piece of knitted art. The frog is hand knit from a silk/wool blend, and his little innards are needle-felted by hand out of 100% wool. He comes pinned into his wooden 8 x 10 inch frame, but he is not glued down, so you can take him out and cuddle him if you wish.

US$62 from CraftyHedgehog at Etsy.

It's a Girl Cranberry Fingerless Gloves

The seller extrapolates:

These are gloves any OBGYN would love, it keeps them in business. I designed these after I found a friend was expecting after many years of trying. These are great conversation starters. Great for the expectant parent, those trying for luck or someone who likes to be different with a sense of humor.

US$18 from babypop at Etsy.

Grumpy gnome ornament

All I want for Christmas, orders Alastair the grumpy gnome, is for you to stop having sex with strangers that you meet on the internet.

Furry muff. Obviously there's some residual bitterness from the seller over her boyfriend/husband/other half/fuck buddy/crush hooking up with randoms via MySpace or dating websites and making the sex.

US$10 from tineseamonster at Etsy.

"Meat" your Presidential candidate

I proudly present you with Barack Obacon! Make of it what you will...

The seller writes "I made these while watching the debates.....a BACON likeness of the presidential candidate." But of course :-/

US$12 from jennifoofoo at Etsy.

Initial Sex Font Condom Holder Keychain

Potential lovers will not be able to resist your powers of seduction after you flash this baby. Personalised with your initials, it will help you land arse with klarse.

US$5 from MindysEmbroidery at Etsy.

Delicious Uterus Finds from Viv

The achingly stylish Viv of Ish & Chi has gathered some uterus-themed treats for us.

Uteri in the sky earrings
US$12 from tangerined at Etsy.

Happy uterus
US$25 from primavera777 at Etsy.

Pink Uterus Undies
US$11 from harveyandeileen at Etsy.

Fire Bum

We love us some ginge. Which is why we think this wee critter could be a firecrotch rather than fire bum as the seller named him. But we love him either way.

US$15 from dreadpiratefluffy at Etsy.

Minerva the Mini Monster

"This is Minerva. Minerva loves to clean things, especially when she gets to use a squeegee. Her longtime dream is to travel the world, working her way from place to place by cleaning hotel rooms."

US$7.50 from eccentrictulip at Etsy.

Pus-covered scab plushie

This lovingly handmade felted scab comes replete with pus. The idea came to SeeBooKnit after a fruitless search for scabs on Etsy.

US$7 from SeeBooKnit at Etsy.

Edward Scissorpaws

My obsession with Johnny Depp has spilled into my Etsy searches. Type his name into the search field and, along with a host of badly rendered pictures of him, this cute little mouse pops up. An homage to Edward Scissorhands, obviously.

US$34.99 from TheHouseOfMouse at Etsy.

Custom Creepy Eye Bottlecap Pincushion

This pin cushion has had the honour of making our nerves of steel shift a whisker, brewing childhood nightmares and creepy craftiness into one eyeball of handmade.

US$12 from verybigjen at Etsy.