Crowning pendant

Celebrate the moment of birth, extolls the seller. Celebrate the moment you're torn from V to A is what I'd write.

US$9.50 from doulahara at Etsy.

Silver Boob Ring and Winged Intercourse Pendant (nsfw)

We love interesting silver jewellery. This boobular ring and intercoursely winged peen pendant would look splendid with a suitable outfit.

Silver Breast Ring and Vagina Penis Act US$25 each from SexyMarsVenus at Etsy.

Mona Lisa With Moustache

Salvador Dali's 'tache and Mona Lisa, was there ever a better combination to wear around one's neck?

US$6.95 from thegildedlily at Etsy.

In honour of stupidity teeth

Our wisdom teeth are climbing their way out through our cheeks/brains/jaws. Bitches. Still, in their dubious honour...
Wisdom tooth necklace £130 from Bert Industries at Prescription Art.

Vintage Anatomy Mouth Pendant US$13 from uniqueartpendants at Etsy.

Nom Noms - Teeth Soap - 2pack US$6 from soapopotamus at Etsy.

Victorian Vampire Charm Pendant Necklace

For a Victorian vampire, all it took to get an expression of such utter gleeful joy was a sip of your schweet, schweet blood. For us, it would take a 50% off sale at Sephora with free international shipping.

US$7.50 from CreativeRampage at Etsy.

Stitched-up Zombie Bear Necklace

The seller writes:

You are invited to a Zombie Bear picnic; bring friends, they can eat a lot!

From stitched up wounds, yellowed teeth, and a bulging red eye, it’s clear that this little guy isn’t your typical teddy bear. He was handmade out of polymer clay, and then given a fur-like texture. Around his wounds, he was lightly coated with liquid polymer, giving the appearance of matted fur. His arms, legs, and head, are free to move and sway, allowing him to express himself as he sees fit.

We love the attention to detail and the sexy pose in the last pic.

US$30 from DeliciousHobo at Etsy.

TV Dinner

Fans of This is why you are fat will love this token of fried goodness.

US$6.95 from thegildedlily at Etsy.

Kitty Litter Charm

Cute, despite the distinct absence of a turd on a string.

US$6 from Komodokat at Etsy.

Guess Where I'm Tattooed Scrabble Pendant

If it weren't the harbl then it would certainly be armpit.

US$6.50 from littlebluebirdstudios at Etsy.

We interrupt this blog post...

...to make you very afraid, for our beloved witchlet sperm with an axe are a lethal combination and we had to warn you.

Axe Pendant, AU$139 from Karen Walker at MyCatwalk and Witch Sperm from freezedriedevil at Etsy.

George Necklace (nsfw)

The seller called this one George, but to us he looks like a nude Ned Flanders.

US$28 from alheuredelapero at Etsy.

She sells seashells by the seashore. (nsfw)

Or in this case, a SHEshell.

US$25 from Quite Cuntrary at Etsy.

LMAO Necklace

If this glorious El Mayo necklace came in an LMFO flavour, we'd buy it for our friend Ginge.

US$18 from bubblepopjewelry at Etsy.

Tiny Toilet Necklace

Tiny toilet with an embellished lid, ready to be worn around your neck to display your love of toilets eclectic taste everywhere you go.

US$12 from MichellesCharmWorld at Etsy.

Douche Pendant (nsfw)

Made from a 1921 advertisement, this pendant will be a guaranteed hit at the family festive table.

US$12 from sushipot at Etsy.

Miss Fanny (slightly nsfw)

Meet Miss Fanny, she says she forgot her undies. Go on, indulge the inner pervert, believe her.

US$4 from craftychris at Etsy.

Crappy necklace

Possibly the most vile necklace design ever made! I have crafted this as an abstract piece which shows far away as a abstract design but upon closer inspection you see just how crappy this piece really is! Wear this crappy necklace around your neck and never again be without crap! Also, show everyone just how little you give a crap about what people think with this brilliant creation inspired by me just watching a John Waters film!

God. Imagine what she'd come up with after watching Bring It On Again.

US$7 from sweetheartsinner at Etsy.

Fucking brilliant!

I want to have this seller's babies. And clothe them in LV nappies and feed them alphabetti, except just the Ls and Vs.

(Did I just do a rhyme?)

US$5.95 from ResinTreasures at Etsy.

Gothic Victorian Taxidermy Squirrel Foot Keyhole Necklace

You know you've ingested too many internets when you look at a necklace featuring the paws of a dead squirrel and think it looks like Goatse. On the plus side, we've already featured the matching earrings.

US$95 from lovedtodeath at Etsy.

Cleo and Helen Pendants

You have probably met these charming siblings already, the time when you had a cheese plate with a glass of wine before bed and had dreams of doll faces with sparkling eyes, set in resin and sprinkled with glitter. Some may say they were nightmares but we know they weren't, not until Cleo started nibbling on someone's eyeball and you woke up, slightly damp.

US$9 for Helen and US$20 for Cleo from gjarvisjewelryetc at Etsy.