Telescopic Back Scratcher and BBQ Branding Iron

For times when a victim loved one isn't nearby to scratch your back as you interchangeably bark directions and purr appreciatively.

Telescopic Back Scratcher
AU$9.60 from Tesora

Change the letters and brand your steak with your name, the description says. Just see if you can resist stamping it with your mother-in-law's chihuahua's name. Or 'Babe'.

BBQ Branding Iron
AU$19.95 from Tesora.

Rusty The Butt Scratching Robot

The seller tells us:

"That what he is and that's his name, Rusty, though some of his "friends" sometimes call him Crusty! I can't imagine what it must be like down there, in all his crevises, but indeed he has a tendency to scratch to his metal heart's content!"

We love butt-scratching robots and so should you.

US$12.50 from buildersstudio at Etsy.